~This I want you to know.~
I have been thinking about what we owe ourselves, then those we love the most, then the people we feel close to and really like and then those in our more external lives. For the record this is a departure for me. I have notoriously put those I love most above myself. As part of my personal growth this has been something I have been evaluating and I continue to work on changing. I am working on prioritizing myself more and at the same time trying not to make others take a back seat. It maybe an impossible challenge. Or somedays I am priority while on others I am not. I am focusing on ‘me doing me’. I am trying an arrangement where I am certainly always figuring myself and my needs into the delicate balance of family, friends, and other responsibilities.
As my children become more independent adults how much do I owe them? Does parenthood always equal putting one’s children first? Let me be perfectly clear. I am not talking about the days or periods when our children are facing trouble or are ill. I am referring to the ordinary days when we have a sense of peace because we are not facing an imminent problems or danger from our children. Do we have to sacrifice our desire to do something we want to do because they are lonely or having a hard day at work? Must we constantly talk them off the cliff? Or can we enjoy a dinner with our spouse or friends?
I wish I had a clear cut answer. I know so much of this depends on the individual parent and the individual child. I know it depends on what exactly is going on. It depends on how much the individual child can handle at eighteen, or twenty five, or thirty two year old.
It also depends on how we grew up and what we feel our parents did right and what they left room for improvement.
Of course, we owe it to ourselves and those we cherish the most to show up in the most sincere and caring way. Sometimes, when we are being sincere and honest it can appear that we are not caring. This can occur whether we are speaking ourself in the ongoing thoughts or monologues we often hold in our own minds about ourselves. Honesty can feel brutal to the receipent but sometimes honesty is the truest form of caring we can give those we care deeply about. I am not sure if we have a responsibility to be honest, even if it is the truest form of caring we can offer if we will hurt those we show our version of honesty or our truth about this other person. I am only sure we must very careful and think before we speak.
We owe it to ourselves to figure out what we really want in life, what we desire, what we want to accomplish. For some just acknowledging what we want to do other with our leisure time or our careers. We owe it to ourselves to figure out how we want to treat the money we earn. Do we want a home and a mortgage? Do we want other types of investments? Do we want to get married and raise a child or children? Do we want to stay single and raise a child or children? Do we want to focus on no-one other then ourselves?